Queer Eye for Elizabeth Warren
Scene 1: The Fab Five descend on Warren’s Cambridge house.
Kyan: Is this where she lives?
Carson: Oh god. Seventies drab, with a touch of Fifties cluelessness!
Jai: Right? I mean there’s modest and then there’s a house that just screams, ‘I’m a mouse who teaches history and is running for president!
Thom: I think she teaches law.
Jai: Right? I knew it was something like that.
Bedroom
Ted: Uhhhhhh –
Carson: I don’t think those sheets have been changed in like two weeks.
Blair: I know she’s busy but hello? There are cleaners?
Jai: Look at this closet. Nothing but blazers and button-downs! Girl, are you a robot or a flesh-and-blood woman? [To EW]: Do you like what you see in the mirror?
EW: Sure, I’m fine with it.
Thom: Black pants and blazers? It’s pretty severe — that could affect voter perception.
EW: I have some bright shirts.
Thom: And I love that about you. And listen, I want you to know I’ve been there. I used to wear nothing but Brooks Brothers — I was Little Mister Blend-in-with-the-Wallpaper everywhere I went but it wasn’t me. And inside, I knew it. And it was eating at me.
EW: I want people to notice my ideas, not my clothes.
Thom: Hear that. And your ideas are fabulous. But no one will listen if your color palette is too muted. Know wha’m sayin’? Where is she?
Carson: She had to go do an interview.
Jai: Girl? Do you have time for yourself?
Hair
Blair: You have beautiful thick hair, you know that? But your cut doesn’t emphasize the shape of your face, which is triangular. And the worst thing you can do for a cute little triangle face like yours is put a standard bob on top of it.
EW: I don’t think it really matters?
Blair: Honey. You’re running for president. You need to up your telegenic factors!
EW: Okay.
Carson: We are going to lighten up the puffiness on the sides of your head, but leave the nice thickness on top. Do you feel the freshness?
EW: Is that — oh my. Is that what they call a mohawk?
Kyan: They call it that but you shouldn’t. No, that’s just me being sassy for a sec. Yes, it’s a mohawk and — look at me, Liz — it’s a way of calling yourself home. Listen, I used to go for the conservative look too. Why draw attention to myself? You know? But hiding your flame even from yourself can eat you up inside.
EW: I didn’t mind my haircut — I thought I looked fine.
Kyan: But now you’re out in the world like the fierce bird you are.
EW: I’m not a bird. I’m a law professor.
Skincare
EW: My skincare routine is pretty simple. I wash my face at night, put on moisturizer every morning. That’s it.
Thom: Listen, I get it. I went through all that when I was a shy teen. But my journey of self-acceptance has helped me put out there who I really am.
EW: I am putting that out there. I’m on TV every night, almost, and I do interviews and guest spots and speeches.
Jai: We think that’s great! But choosing an unobtrusive personal style can be a way of hiding in plain sight.
EW: It isn’t, honestly. I’m just busy running for president, and I don’t think about my looks. I don’t think it’s important right now.
Blair: Girl? Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
ETC
