I’m Sick of the Woke Left’s Lies and I Need the Vaccine Yesterday

Folks, it’s not happening — all the scary things the woke left keeps trying to push on us, with the help of the absolutely corrupt media, who — hm? Roll my sleeve up further? — the setup is, the left lies and the media broadcasts the lies, 24/7. It’s a fraud, Fauci’s a fraud — put my arm here? Bend my elbow? Okay — and we’re all going to learn soon enough there was never any need for masks, that was a giant trick played by the liberals who just want us to give up our freedom. Folks, I can’t believe — feel a little pinch, huh? Maybe you’ll feel a little pinch when this is over — I can’t believe the level of dishonesty that comes out of the left in a nonstop stream. They must eat lies for breakfast, you know what I’m — Ow! Hey, thanks for the warning. Did you stab Melania that hard? — This is what I’ve been telling you. We’re the party of truth, and the truth is there’s never been a pandemic, and the virus is no worse than — ouch. Okay, I’ll put my finger on it all right. Hey look, my bandaid has a horsey — Folks, this pandemic is a lie. The virus is no big deal. I had it and I’m fine. I’m more than fine, I’m incredible. But the left keeps pushing this false narrative — do I keep holding my finger here? — the left is full of very dangerous propaganda that’s harming our country — you know this hurts, right? Is it supposed to hurt? Am I having a bad reaction? — the left is shameless and they attacked the capitol on January 6. They want to say it was us but folks, have you noticed they want to pin everything bad on us? Have you noticed what liars — how long will this hurt? What do you mean I have to leave? Maybe I want to sit here longer. Shouldn’t I at least get a lollipop? — Folks, you’ve got my word, the whole thing is invented by the liberal media. Who just keep pushing their — Okay I’ll leave, but I’m coming back tomorrow for the second shot. What do you mean, two weeks? Are you kidding me? — What I’ve been saying, people, is we have a beautiful country and they want to ruin it. — I’m coming back tomorrow and I’m getting that second shot or your manager is going to hear about it. Put my name down. I don’t care if you have to bump someone else. Bump ‘em! — Folks, stand by for further instructions. We love you!